We can never feel like a million bucks every day. Even if there’s nothing particularly wrong about the day, there’s still something possibly wrong about the feels. This is why I think people feel the need to drink wine at the end of the day, why some people need a detour before heading home, why some people need to divert for no apparent reason at all.
I wrote a book on happiness a few months back. It had lots of Positive Psychology and Intrapersonal Relationship shit that I didn’t believe in (good thing I wouldn’t be listed as the author). There is one chapter, however, that I put real heart into. It’s the chapter that says unless you can be happy alone, you can’t be happy at all.
Everybody who knows me personally knows how fast paced my world is. I juggle all the things I need to do, I socialize quite heavily whenever I can, I do what it takes to make ends meet. However, despite all the hustle and bustle of the Abby Life, I came across a point of being void. Ironically, it was when so many people were around me. UGH. I do hate uninvited company.
Before I turned 26, I went through a very hard time – alone. This is where I practiced what I trusted regarding being happy with thyself. I went through all the harsh emotions albeit being alone. I did not bother share anything with anyone. I just shared details because there were questions but that was it – nothing more, nothing less. And, candidly, it feels so much better to survive on your own two feet. You become more independent and more robust.
I must admit, be that as it may, I feel a level of insensitivity, a numbness. Sadly, I cannot get rid of it anymore. And hopefully, it all turns out for the best!
Thank you for everything. You know, you’ve blessed me with so much. I’d like to think that I’m giving the world enough back just to show you how thankful I am. I will try more and more to be better with the gifts you have bestowed upon me. And as a new chapter of my life begins, please continuously help me to shrug off anything that may potentially belittle my capacities and my want to help the world even in just the smallest of ways.
It was a pleasure living with myself for the last 25 years. Holy fuck, am I entertaining! Here’s to another 25 years of being Abby.