***phone blogging via the WP app***
First of all, I am alone but I am not lonely. While it takes a beating to get to this point, it’s okay. Cliché as it may be but still true – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
I like myself. Even the parts that were out of my control like my name, I like. Abigail is a lovely name. And I do justice to this loveliness. So, if you’re asking why I’m always alone because you think I’m lonely, you can stop reading here. I am not lonely. I am not “incomplete”. I am a well-functioning adult that serves my purpose to myself, my family and I’d also like to believe, to the society. However, to those who are asking because they envy my “strength” or they’re at wits end of how I do “living” despite of being alone, read on.
I am not alone all the time.
I’m not on some sort of isolation protest. I don’t hate people. I get my usual dose of social shit when I need to. But overall, I like being alone better. I like silence. I like tranquility. I like reading books, playing the guitar, writing…alone. and that’s a choice I made because people can be too much for me sometimes. If I can’t help you, I’d rather not be around you because every moment is a chance for improvement. I don’t want you to waste those chances with me.
I am very sociable.
In fact, many times people call me the life of the party. I crack up funny jokes and entertain. Why? Because I like to be alone. And when everybody’s laughing, I feel like I don’t need to open up anymore. Let humor be the center of attention, not my issues or yours or anybody else’s. When people burst out in laughter because of me, I am protected from anyone who wants to burst my bubble.
I have so much in mind.
I am opinionated af. I can say something about anything because I’m well-read. But I don’t want to be like that. I want my thoughts to myself. Because although my thoughts are beautiful, not everyone deserves to hear them and not everyone will understand. I choose who I convey my thoughts to. I’ve been told so many times how “suplada” I can get. I’m not suplada. I just speak only when asked and shut up when my words won’t be of any help.
It’s part of growing up.
Gone are the days when weekends were for coffee dates. These days, I only spend time with people I truly care about and those who have proven they care for me, too. Weekends won’t even matter. If you need me and I love you and i’m available, i’m there. We’re not getting any younger. I no longer do conversation for conversation’s sake. I no longer do blind dates. I have everything and everyone I need and more.
My privacy is important.
Fine, people are updated with my schedule simply because I host and facilitate public events. But other than that, no one really knows what I do after curtain calls or pack-ups. Those moments are important to me. So if I turn down drinking sprees after shoots it’s because I’ve had too much “people” for one day.
If I stop talking to you.
It could be one or most of many reasons. One, I’m busy. If it’s important, you’re gonna have to keep calling so I can get the message.Two, because I won’t be of help to you and I know our friendship is low maintenance that we’re still good even if we don’t talk that much. Three, because you hurt me or because I know we’re bad for each other. Reasons are not limited to those mentioned.